Armenian mourning traditions carry the weight of centuries — rooted in the Armenian Apostolic Church, shaped by biblical precedent, and carried faithfully from village to diaspora. For anyone navigating a loss in an Armenian family, or simply trying to understand what a friend or neighbor is going through, these customs can feel unfamiliar if you didn't grow up with them. This is a guide to what actually happens: from the first days after a death, through the funeral itself, to hokejash and karasoonk — the 40th day that marks the formal end of mourning.
The First Days: Preparing to Let Go
In traditional Armenian households, mourning begins immediately. Clocks in the home are stopped and mirrors are covered — older customs meant to turn the household's attention fully toward the deceased rather than the passage of time or reflections of the living. A candle is kept burning near the body, symbolizing the soul's light and the hope of resurrection, and it's customary for someone to remain nearby so the flame never goes out.
The night before the church funeral, family and close friends often gather at a family member's home for what's sometimes called dan gark or hokehatuk — a wake where loved ones sit together, share memories, and pray. It's quieter and more intimate than the funeral itself, and for many families it's where the real processing of grief begins.
The Funeral Service (Թաղում)
The funeral rite, Taghoom, is held at the Armenian Apostolic church the family belongs to. The priest leads prayers for the repose of the soul, and the service reflects the church's core teaching on death: that the faithful who have died are not gone, but "asleep in Christ," awaiting resurrection. Attendees traditionally wear dark, modest clothing, and it's common for close male relatives not to shave until the 40th day has passed — a visible marker of ongoing mourning.
Burial follows the church service. Armenian cemeteries and gravesites are often visited repeatedly afterward — not just on anniversaries, but as an ongoing part of how the family stays connected to the person they lost.
Hokejash: The Memorial Meal
Following the burial, family and mourners gather for hokejash — literally, "soul food" or "soul meal." It's typically held at the family's home, a church hall, or a restaurant, and features a full meal shared in the deceased's honor. Many families set one empty seat and plate at the table, a quiet acknowledgment of the person who should be there.
The meal is usually eaten with a measure of solemnity — sometimes in near silence, sometimes opened or closed with a prayer — before conversation turns to sharing memories, stories, and the accomplishments of the person being honored. Hokejash has deep roots in Armenian Christian charity: historically, every requiem service came with an obligation to prepare food and share it with those in need, a practice of feeding the poor in the deceased's name. The hokejash meal shared with mourners today carries that same spirit forward, even as the form has evolved.
Hokejash Isn't Just for the Day of Burial
While the largest hokejash typically follows the funeral itself, many families also share a meal after the 40th-day requiem service and on later memorial anniversaries — any time the community gathers to remember someone, food and shared table tend to follow.
Requiem Services: Hokehankist
The Armenian Church observes a structured cycle of memorial prayer after a death, called hokehankist (requiem service, Հոգեհանգիստ). These services are typically requested by the family and held on specific milestones: the seventh day after death, the 40th day, the one-year anniversary, and on subsequent anniversaries going forward. Each is an opportunity for the community to return, pray together, and support the family again — grief in Armenian tradition isn't treated as something to move through alone or all at once.
Karasoonk: The 40th Day
Of all these milestones, the 40th day — karasoonk — carries special weight. The number forty has deep roots in Armenian Christian tradition, tracing back to the biblical account of mourning for the patriarch Jacob, whose forty days of mourning became the model the Armenian Church later formalized into doctrine.
On karasoonk, the family requests a hokehankist service specifically marking the 40th day. This service traditionally closes the official mourning period: the grave may be blessed, men who hadn't shaved since the funeral typically do so, and the family begins to move — gradually, not abruptly — out of the most intensive phase of mourning and back into daily life. It doesn't mean grief ends on day forty. It means the community has formally walked the family through the most acute part of it together, and the next chapter — carrying the loss forward rather than being consumed by it — can begin.
One Year Later: Darelitz
A year after the death, families typically request another requiem service known as darelitz, the one-year memorial. This, too, is often followed by a hokejash or a smaller gathering. Many families continue requesting a hokehankist on the death anniversary every year after — a tradition that keeps the person's memory actively present in the life of the family and the church community, rather than letting it fade into the past.
Why These Traditions Endure
What ties all of these customs together — the covered mirrors, the burning candle, hokejash, karasoonk, darelitz — is a shared belief that mourning is communal, not private, and that it has a shape and a rhythm rather than an endpoint. Nobody grieves alone at an Armenian funeral, and nobody is expected to grieve on a fixed timeline either. The church's cycle of remembrance — seven days, forty days, one year, and beyond — gives families structured permission to keep returning to their grief, together, for as long as they need to.
For a diaspora community that has already lost so much — homeland, language in some families, generations of relatives — these rituals are also an act of continuity. Every hokejash shared, every karasoonk observed, is a thread connecting an Armenian family today to the same customs their grandparents and great-grandparents practiced, wherever in the world they ended up.
This is a general overview of common Armenian Apostolic funeral customs. Practices can vary by family, region, and parish — if you're planning services for a loved one, we'd encourage reaching out directly to your family's church for specific guidance.